2011 Oscar Predictions

As we all know, this is the most important Oscars since the Greek Academy snubbed Aeschylus in favor of The Underdogs of Sparta by Ridonculus. All the more reason to painstakingly detail my Outguess Ebert ballot, which, if my tech guy did his job correctly, will win me $100,000 whether or not I get all 24 predictions right.

The Mechanic: Imitation of life

The problem with Simon West’s The Mechanic isn’t that it’s amoral, exactly, but that it’s false, affected because it knows how to replicate the look of hit man movies—cool, aware, brooding—but can’t truly muster the inner life, the existential angst that catches up with even the most elusive. Jason Statham being Jason Statham doesn’t help, though his lightness saves the film from the pits of self-serious gravitas that sink many modern action thrillers, but the problem is much deeper than the stone-faced king of B-action.

The Eagle: Love, honor, and obey

You could blame the monumental waste of The Eagle on Centurion’s release last year, which preemptively renders its successor both outclassed and unnecessary, if the bulk of its ineptitude didn’t reside in the script. Yes, Jamie Bell heroically tries to balance an ensemble led by a statue and filled out with Donald Sutherland’s paycheck and a Roman frat boy, and yes, Kevin Macdonald does the film no favors submitting to the visual conventions of the genre right down to shoddy nocturnal action scenes and golden, sub-History Channel flashbacks, and yes, someone apparently instructed the cast to throw away what few jokes there are, except for the moment where we’re meant to laugh at the mistreatment of a slave because that’s hilarious, not to mention the wealth of accidental comedy up to and including the far-off screech of Colbert’s eagle, yes, the entire crew save Jamie Bell seem hellbent on sinking this vessel, but nothing is more suggestive of social promotion than the lazily structured, utterly undeveloped, and ultimately meaningless screenplay.

Cold Weather: The Big Wake-Up

Ironically, and here I’m talking about the artistic technique and not a pretend embrace of, say, Chuck Norris, Aaron Katz’s Cold Weather validates mumblecore by rejecting it. The first act is your standard mumblecore setup: a low-ambition young white male moves in with his sister, gets a routine job, meets an ex, all while making the physical act of speech seem like the strangest thing in the world or at least this flannel sanctuary known as Portland. But just when you’re ready to give up on the movement entire, Katz injects a fantastical premise—a noir detective story—that explodes the humdrum life we’ve been enduring. It’s like the film is so bored by its lead that it hatches a plan to save itself, and it works.

Intolerable Cruelty & The Ladykillers: Bush league Coens

Seven or eight years ago, about the time of our conflict with Saddam and the Iraqis, the Coen brothers made two films so bad they closed up shop to recharge. At least, that’s the story ‘round these parts. Facts put the lie to this earworm, The Ladykillers playing Cannes and Intolerable Cruelty opening to mostly positive reviews, but I guess that’s why they print the legend. Rumors of the films’ cow-patty stench worked for years like a scarecrow, but I finally pulled on my big boy britches and embarked on Coen completism. And you know what? They weren’t half bad. Sometimes there’s a film, well it’s the film for its time and place. I’d never say these movies are high in the running for the Films of Our Times ™, but both are unmistakably born of their time and place. Which goes some way to combating another rumor beloved by upturned noses everywhere that’s plagued the Coens since time immemorial. You ignore the politics of these films at your own risk.

Top 10 Glee Songs from Fall 2010

Third time's a charm?  To be honest, this hasn't been my favorite semester of Glee, musically-speaking.  But by the end I came to appreciate the rare moments when the show got off those crutches of straight-up reenactment and put its own stamp on music.

Another Year: Seasonal affective disorder

While The King's Speech loudly, laughably declared it has a voice this weekend, sweeping the guild awards and hoodwinking a lot of people who should know better into thinking it’s more than a shallow, concave, lumpy golddigger, Another Year quietly expanded, a genuinely humanist portrait of middle-aged British people discovering the therapeutic power of friendship, only without all that sap or easy uplift.