
Does anyone else hate the generic recommended Father's Day gifts? Sure, your father can have diverse interests: He can support the 49ers, or he can be a Cowboys fan. I'm sure he has an opinion in the endless Phillips vs. Flathead debate. Also, he can choose from war movies, westerns, or action blockbusters. That about covers it (irony alert: my father likes football, tools, and those movie genres...but he also has interests that separate him from stereotype. Cocaine, for instance).
Well, to celebrate Father's Day '08 (while, as I write this, my own father is off enjoying the delicious stacked enchiladas offered by southern Arizona restaurants on a journey, nay, pilgrimage to the real-life sites of one of our favorite westerns,
3:10 to Yuma), I decided to come up with a list of some of my favorite television fathers, most of whom happily exist outside the narrow target demographic of Father's Day companies and are much more interesting for it. I readily admit many television fathers lie beyond the scope of my research (that's something my 9th grade history teacher taught us to say if we didn't know the answer to a question--surprising how often it's come in handy since then).
Oh, and I'm going to ruin your expectations right now and tell you that Mr. Cleaver, Cliff Huxtable, Jason Seaver, Carl Winslow, Danny Tanner, Alan Matthews and the like (I'll throw in Tim Taylor too) were thrown out immediately. Family shows are essentially still operating under the Hays code where authority figures must be just, and the immoral are punished. I'm more interested in fathers on shows that give them enough room to fail but triumph anyway.
Without further ado, I present the Mitch Leery Memorial TV Fathers Awards (trophies are small busts of James Van Der Beek's hair crying):
Best Den Father
The Mitch goes to: Harold Weir from Freaks and Geeks
Not only does Harold do an admirable job raising both of his biological children, Lindsay and Sam, but he gradually raises their entire social circles, including Bill and Neil, regulars at the Weir family dinner, and an obnoxious, lonely Kim. When he opens his house up to Lindsay's ex Nick, he even starts to inspire the kid, helping him prepare for the future he wants to pursue as a drummer. And it all leads to one of my favorite Mr. Weir moments, when he tells Lindsay why he holds her to a higher standard than Nick. Sure he can be a little strict, but you can't argue with his results.
Most Surprisingly Good Father...Sorta
The Mitch goes to: Wee-Bey Brice from The Wire
After going through all of the HBO dads--not an inspiring bunch--I realized that Season 4 of The Wire ought to be fruitful. And it certainly was, if I were looking for disappointing parents who let their children fall into depressing lives on the streets. But somehow, Wee-Bey had the wisdom to let his son go. Namond was not meant for the drug trade, and despite protests from his banshee, er, wife De'Londa, 'Bey made the executive decision to sign Namond's custody over to Bunny Colvin, a decision that irrevocably improved my appreciation of him. Bunny Colvin proves to be the best thing that ever happened to Na', but Wee-Bey's surprising compliance impressed me most.
Coolest Dad
The Mitch goes to: Keith Mars from Veronica Mars
I know Keith Mars may not be your first mental image of "cool," and I have a feeling he'd agree. But the facts remain, being such an accomplished private investigator has endless cool potential, especially for your kids. Not only can he get background checks on your skeezy new squeeze, but he can do battle using only his wits and a mounted deer head. I'd like to see Tommy Gavin rescue his kid from a refrigerator set on fire. Well, maybe not Tommy Gavin...what are the odds I'd pick a firefighter? But you get the picture. I believe Lucy Lawless said it best: "You're cool, Mr. Mars, and you've got a cool daughter." And you don't argue with Lucy Lawless. She's seen the final cylon. I rest my case.
The Adopt Me, Please Award
The Mitch goes to: Benjamin Sisko from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
I'll be honest. I only picked Captain-cum-Prophet Sisko because I want to live in the 24th century, not because he's my actual first pick for adopted TV father. But you can't deny he's far from a bad choice. It took him six years to even begin to question crossing moral boundaries in a war that threatened to annihilate not only humanity but the entire Alpha Quadrant (although come to think of it, Sisko's stern moralizing may not make for the most fun childhood). Additionally, his love for his son knows no bounds--just watch "The Visitor." But best of all, like my own father, he cooks. I swear, every episode that shows a Sisko dinner scene makes me hungry. I can't be certain jambalaya made from replicated ingredients would taste better than some of my dad's homemade sausage and sauteed onions, but I'm more than willing to find out.
Best Glimpse at an Otherwise Unjudgeable Father:
The Mitch goes to: Judah Botwin from Weeds
Since I don't watch Supernatural, I figured the best I could do was find another way to honor Jeffrey Dean Morgan, who we got to see thrice in Season 1 of Weeds. But so much information came through in those home videos of Judah and Shane, I'm gettin' a little misty just thinking about it. Video 1 sees young Shane waking his parents up on his birthday, and Judah offers to kick off the day cooking pizza-eggs for "the amazing, unbelievable Shane Botwin." Video 2 sees Judah playing Star Wars with Shane, before turning the camera on himself to say, "Good night, Dad." And yes, fanatics will remind me that there is a Video 3 (for Nancy's eyes only), but this is about Judah as a father, and I think we can reasonably extrapolate awesomeness based on his videos with Shane.
Funniest Father
The Mitch goes to: Michael Bluth from Arrested Development
Sure, the guy in the $6000 suit is gonna leave off the guy who doesn't make that in a year, come on! Michael Bluth may not be the world's greatest father--his treatment of Ann, his periodic "moving to Phoenix" threats, his repeated failures to actually listen to his son--but good luck finding a more hilarious dad. And he has George Michael's best interests at heart, whether he's assigning him overtime at the banana stand, threatening to poison his teacher, or hiring GOB to make a mudslinging election video for Student Body President. I can't wait to see Michael Bluth's self-congratulatory parenting on the big screen!
Most Like My Own Father
The Mitch goes to: Eric Taylor from Friday Night Lights
It is Father's Day, after all. I'm legally obligated to honor my father somehow, and I figure this is the most cost-effective way. It seems a little fawning to say my dad is most like someone as beloved as Coach Taylor. But both are hands-on Texas den fathers (my dad never coached football, but he was scoutmaster even after I was gone) who refuse to tolerate whining and get a kick out of tear-worthy inspirational speeches. Also my dad briefly coached football at a fictional Texas university until he returned to Dillon thanks to his underhanded car dealer friend. Little known fact.
Grand Prize for Greatest Father
The Mitch goes to: Sandy Cohen from The O.C.
I'm talking vintage Sandy Cohen, not the adulterous corporate shark lazy writers tried to make him in the middle seasons. Back when Sandy brought home a juvenile, became his legal guardian, and taught him how to assimilate into high society. Sandy's bleeding heart rules his decision-making, especially in parenthood, and he always knows the right thing to do. On top of that, he's got a great sense of humor and eyebrows of wisdom. And if you're lucky, the occasional Sly impression.
And lastly, Father of the Year
The Mitch goes to: Walter White from Breaking Bad
This was a tough choice, but not due to an abundance of extraordinary fathers this television season. It's kind of sad when Rufus from Gossip Girl is your biggest competition (that Josh Schwartz sure knows what goes into great fathers). But Walt was my favorite. From the opening scene, during Walt's video camera confession, you know he'll do anything for his family. As the season progresses, he is forced to really test his ethical boundaries--maybe murdering a gangster isn't the mark of a great father--but there's something endearing about Walter becoming the man he wants to be while fighting cancer, raising his son, and becoming the surrogate father for his drug-dealing partner. His final video confessional, where he introduces himself to the unborn child he figures he'll never meet, is one of the best parts of the season, and it only makes Walter's inevitable death that much harder to face. Yes, I realize that my first Father of the Year is a meth dealer, and I'm okay with the moral implications.
Now it's your turn. Who all did I forget about, which dads are most like yours, and where can I get a statue of Dawson crying for myself?